Saturday, January 7, 2023

Forward to Writing …

Back to writing!

Back? Why back?

Perhaps, forward to writing?

I prefer that. 

Why did it take so long?

Procrastination, she would say.

Maybe it is actually the need for preparation. Readiness I mean, in the state of mind. Emotional mind.

Yes, yes, but this took a long time. 

I don’t think it was not having what to write about.   It propels me to think what took so long.  Is it insecurity, or being too judgmental? Maybe I shut myself from writing? 

I like writing. I like searching for words, for sounds, rhythms, even colours. 

Words are special. They communicate. They express. But words can also be deceiving. Words can also be dishonest.

Can we express though without words? 

Just by a look. Perhaps by a touch?

I think a look and a touch are worth so many words! So many!  I think about looking at a person, or touching.

I, indeed express by a touch. A touch of my fingers on the keys.   Black keys, white keys. It doesn’t matter.

The touch, however, does matter. It matters a great deal.  The movement to prepare the touch, to sustain it, and to release it. That’s the secret!  And with the way I touch I express a feeling, sometimes a state of mind.  Expressing even if I am completely blind.

I do not need to see, only feel.

Feel the keys, that I am about to fill with content, and peel its mysteries, and conceal its hurdles. Feeling is also revealing. 

And what happens when I am done feeling? Is there such a thing? Do we feel all the time?   What happens when the piece we perform ends. Do the feelings end also?  

I am not sure one is done feeling. However, one may shut himself from feeling. And then it’s very difficult to write.  That might last just a few days. It might also last a full year!  Wait, but what about me?  Did I stop feeling for some time. Did I? 

Wow, I became a fossil. Oh shit.  

Was it for protection? 

Interesting. So to protect myself I shut myself.  Well, but I died. Sort of.

I am in a new place. Looking and seeing forward. Thinking and feeling forward. Let’s see.  Capturing the moment and embracing the unpredictable, and above all feeling. Feeling, and writing about it. 

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